Supporting Early Emotional Growth and Well-being
When you see a child upset (crying, frustrated, etc.), do you ever just say, “you’re ok,” and encourage them to move on? I was completely guilty of saying this to my young daughter, especially if I was in a hurry to just get going somewhere. In my rush to move through life, I actually taught her to stuff her emotions away. What I have learned since, is that taking time to acknowledge my daughter’s feelings would have been a better way to help her learn how to regulate her own emotions at a young age.
So what do we do?
Rather than using “emotion-minimizing” language like “you’re ok” or “stop crying,” we can replace it with emotion-affirming language to help children understand their emotions and that emotions are ok. When we say things like, “it’s ok to cry when you are sad, sometimes I cry too,” we can help them understand emotions and that it is normal to show them (affirming that they don’t need to push them away inside).
As children learn about emotions, we can help build resiliency by pairing the emotion with a coping strategy. An example of this would be, “You’re frustrated because you want to play outside; should we find your Legos until it is outside time?” This would be way too many words for toddlers. We might simply say, “Oh, you look sad, do you want your stuffy?” When children have high emotions, offering comfort and assistance helps them build stronger relationship skills. They learn we love them unconditionally. This approach may not work magic overnight, but with time, children learn healthy ways to respond to their own emotions and the emotions of others. It is absolutely amazing to watch children offer this comfort to each other once they have had it modeled for them in the classroom and at home!
These strategies are not only for negative emotions; we also want children to recognize their positive emotions and what makes them feel that way. As they become goal-setters, being able to talk about their accomplishments and the corresponding feelings helps to build confidence and contentment.
Researcher Elizabeth King suggests the following strategies:
Label, ask questions, and explain. “What’s making you so happy today?”
Discuss. Talk about feelings, both your own and your child’s. Practice facial expressions and body language.
Respect positive and negative emotions. It’s ok to have feelings! Let’s figure out how to express them.
Act out emotions. Use books, props, puppets, games, and pictures. It is good to learn about the emotion when you are not in the middle of feeling that way.
Reflect on and describe your own emotions. As teachers, we call this “thinking out-loud.” It is a prime way to teach children. Examples would be to say, “Mmmm, the smell of cookies baking reminds me of Grandma and makes me happy.” Or, “Oh no, when I leave dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated when I have to wash them later; I think I will wash them now.” Modeling your thinking process helps children build their own!
Whatever you do, it is always good to also let young children know that, while we are here to help them, the Holy Spirit is ALWAYS with them to provide comfort, help, and encouragement. Praying with your child will help them remember to seek God’s help when they don’t have you at their side. One of the most powerful gifts we have when facing adversity or conflict is knowing that, as humans, we are imperfect and God gave us each other to grow and learn together.
Mrs. Brenda Bernard
Early Childhood Director & Elementary Principal, SFLS
About Sioux Falls Lutheran School
At Sioux Falls Lutheran School, our mission is to develop capable, Christian servant-leaders in a complex world who are World Ready and Faith Secure. We are passionate about giving our students the tools they need to be successful academically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. We strive to accomplish this goal by maintaining high academic standards, employing excellent teachers, and upholding a Christian worldview drawn from Scripture. Ultimately, we are committed to partnering with parents and the church to raise lifelong learners who use their gifts and the fruits of the Spirit, in faith, to touch a troubled world with God’s grace.